2019 in the Rearveiw

          So, I’ll give a blanket statement that 2019 was a tough year on professional goals. Having a baby is quite a life-changer. He’s adorable and makes my days super great, but he also takes up 99% of my time. There were several months that I didn’t reach my expectations and I started to feel pretty bad about it. The defeat from one month snowballed into the next month and it got to the point that I didn’t even want to try.

          But it’s okay. It’s still an adjustment period. I’m just such a routine person that I’m just stressing out when my day/week/month doesn’t quite go the way I was expecting. It’s getting better though. I just have to keep telling myself to not give up.

          That’s my number one goal for this year – Don’t give up. Don’t quit.

          I have to keep trying or else I won’t succeed. I have to remind myself that a little bit of progress is still better than no progress at all.  

          This is the last time I’m going to put my short story collection on my goal list. If I don’t get it published this year, it just won’t be. I need to move on to focusing on different projects if that one isn’t going to work out. It’s so close to being done, but I just don’t seem to get it all the way there. My biggest problem with it is probably that I don’t know how to call something done and I feel the impulse to go back over the stories again and again.

          For six months, I’m lowering my writing expectations so that I can get back on track. I need to set the bar lower so I can succeed for awhile and feel good about myself again before I start reaching for the higher numbers again. I need to fit writing back into my schedule now that baby dude is getting to where he can amuse himself. It’s been on the back burner for several months and I need to find time to make it important again.

          Overall though, I need to learn to love myself again. Becoming a mom is hard and changes a lot of things about your life and your state of mind. Battling a touch of post-partum depression on top of my normal day-to-day anxieties is the hardest part of my life. But I’m going to get through it and come out the other side better than ever. That’s the goal anyway.

          Happy New Year everyone.

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