Getting Anxious

I deal with anxiety on a daily basis. I’ve gotten pretty adept at putting on a mask and being a functioning person when out in public, but there are still situations that make me freeze up.

This week, I had time to have lunch by myself before going to a doctor’s appointment. And I had two options – I could go in and sit alone and read while I ate, or I could go through the drive through and sit in my car in the parking lot. And that second option sounded really freaking good. I don’t think I have ever gone out to eat alone. Ever. Because something about sitting alone puts me on edge. I’m perfectly okay with eating alone in my car or being alone at home or at a park. But a restaurant? No, thank you.

But the dilemma I faced was that I also had to go to the bathroom. So, I needed to go inside. And for some reason, my brain wouldn’t connect the dots with ordering food to go from inside the store. People do this all the time, I’m sure. But being inside already compelled me to eat inside.

Long story short – I ate alone in a Panda Express this week and read a book and tried to pretend I didn’t think people were staring at me the entire time. Small win. But I sat in a weird place and every time the door opened, my book would try to blow over… and I was too uncomfortable to get up and change tables. But still… a small win.

That’s all for today.

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