Baby is Two Months Old!

                My little man is now two months old! I can’t believe it. It still feels like yesterday I brought him home. And he’s getting so big! The day we came home, I could hold his whole body with just one hand. Now, he’s so long I need two hands when I feed him. He’s also putting on some weight finally. He’s got a double chin and some chunky little thighs. I’m sure other breastfeeding mamas can relate to the paranoia about whether or not your baby is getting enough food. It’s so nice to be seeing positive results at last.

                Sleeping has gotten better. Most nights I get at least six hours, so I don’t feel so exhausted overall. There are still the nights that he wants to be up late eating, but they’re not as often. Now the problem is just getting him to stay asleep once I put him down. I’ve been working on the “put him down drowsy” concept and sometimes it works. Napping is also improving. He’s almost on a schedule of waking and sleeping during the day so I’m able to be more of a person again. Again, it doesn’t work perfectly every day, but that’s okay. At least we’re making progress.

                Getting him on a schedule has helped me get back on a schedule. I’m able to eat all three meals of the day with only minimal interruption since we plan them around his schedule now. Sometimes that means a late lunch or an early dinner, but it’s better than it was. It’s important to eat enough so that I can feed him. Aside from that, I’m able to do things I want to do again. I can read and write when he’s napping. And I can clean (not that I really want to do that) when he sits in his vibrating chair or lays on his play mat. His big brother has been spending more time with him too, so that helps me be able to leave the room once in a while to take care of other things.

                But now we’re taking on another challenge. Maternity leave is over and I’m back to work. And it’s been super tough on me. I hate leaving him, even though I know I can trust the people taking care of him. I just miss his little face so much. And it also shifts my schedule yet again. I hope we can easily find the flow of routine so we can all be happy.

                I’m so excited for him to grow. He’s been cooing and giving us little smiles. He’s obsessed with baby videos on Youtube and he loves going outside. I can’t wait for him to start crawling and talking. But I know I shouldn’t rush this. Being back at work, though, this time is going to fly by. Just not too fast, I hope.

First month with the Baby!

                Baby Luke is one month old! I still can’t get enough of him. And he can’t seem to get enough of me or I’d be getting more sleep hahahahaha.

No, but really. A newborn’s first month is no joke. Some nights I get pretty much zero sleep. When he’s cluster feeding, there’s maybe an hour after I first put him down for the night, and then he’s up until 5am wanting to eat and be held. And then other nights he’ll sleep for three hours after each feeding and I’ll get a full night’s rest overall. But of course, I never know what kind of night it’s going to be.

And they tell you, “Sleep when the baby sleeps,” but that is so. Freakin. Hard. I’m not very good at napping anyway, but then I also feel like I need to do things when he’s asleep. Like dishes and laundry. Not to mention the part where I need to eat and shower and, I dunno, go to the bathroom once in a while. I know I can put off the first two things, but I can’t not eat. And it’s next to impossible to eat while he’s attached to me. Even if I could somehow accomplish making my lunch while holding him. So, the napping when he sleeps might be an hour out of the whole day. But I’m adjusting. Some days are a little harder than others, but it’s all worth it.

Each day I try to be better than the day before. It’s easy to get frustrated and overwhelmed. Not gonna lie, I’ve spent a lot of time crying. But it’s getting better. He’s so amazing and makes me so happy that I know I can get through this difficult time. I have to tell myself to relax and breath once in a while, but that’s okay. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has felt like this is too much at times.

As for balancing my work with this new life in the house… It’s been tough. Most days I don’t do much more than read. But I’ve managed to keep up with my weekly posts here and I’ve been able to work on my other projects a little at a time. That’s something else that I feel like I’ll get better at over time. But he’s my number one priority, obviously. So, let this be the warning I guess that there might come a week that there’s no update. I’ll do my best to keep up with all of my goals, just because that’s who I am as a person, but I am also giving myself permission to come up short for a few months. This is my reality, and I have to honor it.

Baby Luke’s Arrival!

On May 10th at 8:01 AM my little man was born! 6 lbs 2 oz and 18 inches long. My perfect tiny human.

                I’m obsessed with staring at him and holding him and all the cuddles.

                I’m really at a loss for words. I’m sure any first-time mom can relate. I’ve barely been able to stop watching him sleep to type up this post.

To be honest, I was really terrified of how this was going to go for several weeks leading up to delivery. I’m still scared, still a little overwhelmed, still a lot of emotions… but I’m also feeling more capable of doing this. Every day I get a little more confident. And boyfriend has been so supportive and helpful. I couldn’t do this without him.

The first few days at home were a little rough. For the obvious reason of adjusting my sleep schedule to make sure he’s fed of course. But then on the second day home he had his first pediatrician visit and we discovered his jaundice levels were too high. We’ve had to put him on a biliblanket (basically a baby tanning bed) for a few days and I’ve spent a lot of time crying. From being scared about him getting better, to just seeing how unhappy it made him. The first night with the biliblanket, I didn’t sleep at all because he wouldn’t let me put him down. It’s been tough, but the doctor believes tomorrow he’ll be good to go without it. I’ve been an emotional wreck, but I know we’ll get through this.

                I’m so excited to see him grow. I can’t wait for the first time he smiles at me. And the first time I make him laugh. I’m excited to see him crawl and walk and all of it. But I also want him to stay little and be my little cuddle monster forever.

It’s so crazy how one day I was just pregnant and feeling confused and scared about what was going to change in my life, and now I have all this love for this tiny human. I already know I would do anything for him.