The Grinch

I didn’t always hate Christmas. I promise.

Working retail at Christmas time is literal hell.

People who are generally friendly are suddenly rushed and impatient. People that are already rude are suddenly screaming in your face and demanding discounts. People you’ve never seen before are shouting “I’m never coming here again!” like it’s some big threat. There’s tons more freight coming into the store and less space to put in on the sales floor. Checklists and sign kits and BOGO sales that don’t ring up correctly and perforated edges that don’t tear right and floor displays and so much glitter and “YOU DON’T HAVE ANY MORE IN THE BACK?!”


Christmas starts in September and no one likes that it’s already on the floor but then once they are ready to buy it all the good stuff is gone and you’re responsible. “It’s in your ad though” they say even though the fine print states while supplies last. The lines are too long and toddlers are throwing temper tantrums. No one understands where the basket return is and when the sale price isn’t as cheap as they wanted it to be suddenly there’s all these returns. And the return policy must be in a foreign language that no one on this planet speaks because I’m unfair and “ruining their Christmas.”

Where’s this and do you have that and I didn’t see it you must be out. Even if the shelf is completely full and if you would have just followed my directions you would have seen it just fine…but I guess these people don’t know their left from their right and they don’t know what “down the aisle with the chips” means. Or they want to be extremely vague when describing the item their looking for.

Example: “Where’s the soap?”

What kind of soap?

The kind you clean with.


Laundry soap, dish soap, hand soap, car soap, body soap, baby soap…


Scotch tape, box tape, electrical tape, duct tape, painters tape, medical tape, fabric tape…


Elmer’s glue, glue sticks, wood glue, super glue, hot glue…

I could go on.

Christmas is almost over.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to buy gifts for people. And I love to watch their face when they open the super spectacular thing that I got them. And spending time with family and friends is great, since most of the season I don’t get to see them because I live at my store day in and day out. And food. Glorious food.

But all these other people need to calm. The fuck. Down.

Counting down the days until everything goes back to normal and I can get a decent night’s sleep.